


For the Sake Of

by ElizaStyx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Dean, Crack, Dean really fucks up in this one big time, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Mpreg, Neighbors, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, POV Dean Winchester, Pregnancy, Pregnant Dean, Pregnant Sex, Rimming, Self-Conscious Dean, Self-Worth Issues, Sharing a Bed, Top Castiel, erectile disfunction, he is bad at talking to people, mention of miscarriage, so it really is his biased judgement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: Dean could only be sure of three things in his life: Bert and Ernie were gay, Sam had just been given a reason to torture him for at least twenty oncoming years and he himself had yet another argument for the thesis that his neighbour, Castiel Novak, was the worst person to ever walk this planet. Seriously, that guy got him pregnant, for fucks sake.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What an unbelievable occurence, me posting something and that something being destiel, who would have thought? Truth is, I wanted to write because I haven't done it in a long time and I found three chapters of this basically ready to go so I asked myself why not take this idea and run with it? Oh boy, and did I hecking run...  
> I don't know how to warn you without spoiling a major plot point but let it be said, read the tags carefully and if ANYTHING mentioned there bugs you, please, don't read this work. It gets pretty dark at one point.  
> There is also quite a lot of sex in it but I really tried to make the plot matter heh. Also it's mpreg but really, Dean's pregnancy is mostly a plot device and the source of all the trouble but also all the good that came out of them. If you're looking for pregnancy kink, it's not the fic you've been searching for.  
> The thing I really struggled with was writing mostly from Dean's perspective because he is extremely biased and set on assuming the world sees him the way he himself does so trying to show anything else through his eyes was quite a challenge. I hope it's still perfectly clear throughout this story that his judgement isn't always right.  
> And oh, it's basically finished so all I have to do is retype it, edit what needs to be edited and we're good to go. I'll try to update at least once a week so fingers crossed and I hope you enjoy it!  
> 

Dean could only be sure of three things in his life: Bert and Ernie were gay, Sam had just been given a reason to torture him for at least twenty oncoming years and he himself had yet another argument for the thesis that his neighbour, Castiel Novak, was the worst person to ever walk this planet. Seriously, that guy got him pregnant, for fucks sake.

"You know..." begun Sam, staring in the distance with melancholy as Dean kept puking his guts out. "I don't understand why I have ever expected anything less dramatic to come out of this."  
Dean just glanced at him with one angry eye, spitting out what seemed to be yesterday's supper.  
"This had been going on for far too long without any resolve." he continued. "However, I wonder which genius told you to fuck it out..." he made a pause, clearly expecting an answer.  
"Crowley." spat out Dean before his stomach rolled again.  
"Ah." Sam nodded knowingly. "Him and Bobby did fuck it out successfully. Into a marriage. I suppose you aren't getting married just yet, are you?"  
"I didn't know they had been enemies!" protested Dean, hugging the toilet tighter as his eyes watered.

Sam only sighed, shifting on his spot at the rim of the bathtub.  
"Bitch." muttered Dean, really hating his life.  
"Jerk." replied Sam mechanically, no malice in his voice. "You gotta tell him, you know."  
"What?" Dean wiped the swear off his forehead. "No, no, he can't know."  
Sam frowned. "He's the father. Well, the other father."  
"Yes but I don't like him. In fact..." Dean slowly stood up to look down at his brother. "In fact, his very existence gets on my nerves and it's definitely not a good thing for the kid. You don't know him that well, Sam, he painted his half of our semi-detached house to clash with mine just to piss me off. The building looks like a nightmare to basically everyone who has eyes!"  
"Well" Sam shifted a little. "You changed the garage doors specifically to not match his, first thing after I moved out."  
"These doors are the best garage doors in the state, Sam." Dean blushed a little and tried to cover his embarassment with righteous anger. "Besides, for once he had given me something nice and I don't want to share it with him!"

Sam blinked slowly a couple of times. Then he looked at Dean. Really looked at him. The older Winchester reeked of puke, his eyes were still watering and his face was flushed but there was something undeniably radiant about him. For the first time Sam was actually keen on believing this whole pregnancy-inner-light mojo wasn't entirely made up bullshit.

"You actually **like** that you're having a baby, holy shit." he uttered with amazement.  
Dean crossed his arms defensively. "Yeah? And what if I do?"  
"Nothing." Sam shook his head, still staring at his brother. "I'm glad you think about it that way. I just am a bit surprised... never thought you'd be the one with strong maternity or well, paternity instinct. Accepting it so fast and all."  
"Apparently I am." Dean turned around to pick up his toothbrush and avoid any more chick-flick moments. "Now shut up about it, Sammy. Enough blabbing for today."

Dean started brushing his teeth pointedly to ensure the conversation wouldn't reignite. Avoiding Sam's gaze in the mirror wasn't that hard.

***

After they were done with the dinner and Dean could only gaze longingly at the bottle of beer which was a forbidden fruit now, Sam cleared his throat to make some sort of point that Dean surely didn't want to hear again.

"I'm leaving." he said.  
"What? So soon?" Dean frowned, ungluing his eyes from the deliciously looking beer in Sam's hand.  
"I don't mean now." Sam made his Bitch Face Number One. "I mean for Stanford. In two weeks. I'm still a student, remember?"  
"Yeah, well, of course I remember." Dean bluffed, nonchalantly picking up his glass of juice. JUICE.  
"I won't be there to help you." Sam added carefully, clearly hinting at something.  
"I don't need help." Dean snapped immediately. "I'm pregnant, not sick."  
"And you live alone. There's no one to hear you whine and fullfill your whims in the middle of the night." Sam pointed out. "You're gonna crave things, Dean." it sounded almost like a threat.  
"So I get all of that stuff myself." Dean shrugged.  
"You won't want to crawl out of your warm bed." Sam shook his head.  
"Then I'll whine so loud that I wake up Castiel Novak and he'll get me that shit just to make me shut up." Dean grinned smugly. "Oh yes, a completely new way to torture that asshole!" he laughed villianously.

Sam opened his mouth. Then he closed it. Slowly he regained control over his own features, stopping a tiny smile from bending his lips.

"You do realise you have to tell him, if you want to do that." he raised his finger to stop Dean from protesting. "Think about it, a great occasion to make him pay for every little annoying thing he did to you! You can slave him out a little. For the sake of your kid."  
Looking back at this talk, Dean couldn't believe he actually caught the bait. But he did.  
"I gotta admit." he said. "Every kid deserves at least two parents."  
Sam was really good at hiding his satisfaction.

***

Cas narrowed his eyes really hard, probably thinking that this was yet another stupid prank Dean was pulling on him. Except that it wasn't funny to any extent.

"Look, man." said Dean, almost apologetic. "I know you hate my guts and I know you know that I hate yours but we did have sex and now I am very much pregnant so I guess it's time to bury the hatchet and learn to at least cooperate, if not like each other. For the sake of our kid."  
"For the sake of **our** kid..." repeated Cas dully.  
"Yes, Cas. Our kid. Unless you really don't want him or her to know..." Dean took half a step back, he was also prepared for that sort of response.  
"That's not it." Castiel took a deep breath. "Okay, Dean, for the sake of out kid I'll do my best to tolerate you."

His gaze drifted down to Dean's belly, which obviously wasn't visibly rounded yet. Dean felt a bit dizzy with a feeling that something might have stirred deep inside of him. It was actually nice that Castiel accepted that revelation without demanding additional proof. Or well, he simply thought it impossible for Dean to have gotten laid since then, which yeah, he would be right but really no need to rub that in.

Dean chose to smile at his now ex-enemy. Cas frowned at that smile as if uncertain Dean wasn't planning on something evil despite their peace treaty.

"What's that about?" he snapped. "Do I have something on my face?"  
"No." Dean grinned even wider, unable to stop himself.  
"Then why do you look so..." he gestured towards him with confusion. "Happy?"  
"Because I may actually be." Dean barked out a laughter and, to Cas' even greater confusion, winked before living with a cheerful whistle on his lips.

Cas gaped after him without any understanding.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had only about finished his supper in peace, absently thinking about turning his own former nursery, now mostly a storage, into a nursery again, when the doorbell rang.

"We need to talk." said Cas, storming inside as if not waiting for an invitation wasn't just plainly rude.

Goddammit, Dean had been in such a good mood for the whole day (except for the puking part but that was such an early morning it basically didn't count anyway). He kept his mouth shut though and led Cas into the living room, hoping the man would at least have enough mercy to sit down instead of pacing around. Cas did. He fell heavily onto the black sofa, immediately sinking deep into it. Dean pulled a chair closer for himself and Cas gave him a look as if he was about to protest but eventually kept whatever comment he had to himself.

"What kind of an urgent issue brings you here on this beautiful morning?" Dean cocked an eyebrow.  
Cas straightened his back, trying to regain some dignity.  
"We didn't discuss terms." he said.  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean got defensive immediately, he couldn't remember them talking about signing any contracts whatsoever, if this was about the roof...  
"The terms of parenthood, Dean." Cas sounded annoyed with Dean being so slow. "You just said we need a peace treaty and sure, this we can have but what about all the other things? To what extent do you want me to be a parent to our kid? We're not a couple, Dean, it's not that clear..."  
"You bet your ass we aren't." Dean snorted silently. "I just didn't want to keep the truth from you, that's all. You can have nothing to do with the kid, if that's your wish. No worries, I'm not gonna be a parasite on your back."

Just as he finished saying that, Dean realised that, in fact, he hadn't thought it through actually and that maybe it wasn't exactly fair to force that knowledge onto Castiel so brutally and without any clear solution in mind. However, he decided he would hate it if Cas seemed relieved and tried to worm his way out of the whole parenthood deal.

"That's not what I was worried about. I-I..." Cas stuttered. "I guess I am still in shock.  We used protection and all..."  
"Yeah, well, sue the condom company." Dean snorted.

Thinking about that night always put him into a grumpy mood. Not because it was an unpleasant experience but because it was exactly the opposite of that. And he really couldn't give that to Cas but they guy was a fantastic lay.

"This situation has a great potential of becoming awkward." Castiel stated seriously.  
"No shit, Sherlock." the conversation was starting to tire Dean. "We'll have to make it up as we go." he didn't plan on sounding so pissed but the words came out of his mouth just exhausted; he refused to feel bad because of the way Castiel looked suddenly taken aback.

Dean had to give him some credit for taking just a second to soften his expression and not responding in kind.

"How are you feeling, Dean?" he asked, throwing Dean off a lot.  
"I'm fine." he sounded a bit like a spoiled kid, sue him, he very much had no control over his tone at this point. "When I'm not puking, I'm just peachy."  
"Are you, really?" Cas pushed a little.  
"Jesus Christ, Cas, yes, I am fan-fucking-tastic!" Dean snapped. "I am perfectly fine with this situation, okay? Just quit asking stupid question like you're suddenly obliged to be my best friend." he felt his cheeks redden and huffed, trying to compose himself.

Cas observed him with nothing short of scientific fascination as if he just saw Dean for the first time. Dean refused to accept the fact that he blushed harder.

"I would be glad to help you in any way I can." said Cas. "If only you need me, just call or drop by."  
"Okay." Dean's voice came out careful now. "I'll keep that in mind."

***

"We talked." announced Dean first thing after Sam entered the house, coming back from whatever shenaningans he had been up to.  
"You and Cas?" Sam raised his brows. "And?"  
Dean shrugged. "He's fine with it."  
Sam almost walked into the doorframe. " **Fine**? Is that really what he is?"

Dean shrugged again.

"Dude, you're carrying this guy's child. Not to mention you are like, in a constant state of war for the most unimportant reasons." Sam looked dizzy, maybe narrowly avoiding meeting facefirst with a solid piece of wood did that to him. "I don't think you are telling me everything. In fact, I'm sure you're not telling me **anything**."  
Dean sighed. "We're having a peace treaty. Trying to tolerate each other and all that jazz. He promised to help me, if I need him, okay? He was actually..." Dean paused and then in a very strained whisper finished the thought. "nice."

"What?" Sam blinked furiously. "What was that?"  
"He was **nice** , okay?" Dean rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. "Here, I said it, laugh or do whatever it is that you find appropriate."  
Sam rolled his eyes too.

"I've never really understood your war anyway." he said and finally decided to leave the hallway, careful of the doorframe, passing Dean in the kitchen door. "Is there anything edible left in the fridge?"  
"Beer." replied Dean, sadness clear in his voice. "I started eating like a growing elephant. I'll probably turn into one soon."

Sam shook his head and decided to check the fridge by himself anyway. Indeed, there was only a lonely bottle of beer left there, hanging out in the back by itself. There was also some parsley frozen to the back wall, yummy.

"Looks like I gotta go shopping." he pulled out the bottle and opened it with resignation.  
Dean watched him drink with eyes of a kicked puppy. Sam decided to spare him any comments this time.

"Tell me one more time, just so I can try to make any sense of this." he rubbed his eyes and leaned against the kitchen island. "How did this whole 'fucking it out' even happen?"  
"I've told you like five times already." Dean frowned.  
"Yeah, well, I still feel like you're not being overly eager to share and I hope you'll accidentally spill the beans." he took a swig. "So maybe it will stop sounding so ridiculously impossible."  
Dean gave him a pointed look.  
"Humour your brother this one time." Sam pulled out the puppy eyes and it really was impossible not to give in.

Dean sighed.

"As I told you before, I was minding my own business, moving the lawn, when Cas came out of his house to shout at me, suggesting I woke him up on purpose since I knew this was his usual nap time, which I obviously didn't. I am so not that kind of person, you know that best, Sammy." Dean was strangely eager to talk once he started so Sam just raised his eyes to the ceiling and didn't comment. "We were arguing through the fence, when Crowley appeared out of nowhere and suggested we should finally try his solution. The rest is history." he looked at Sam. "Here, once again, the very same story, does it make any more sense to you?"  
"No." Sam sighed. "You are stubbornly cohesive. Besides, it won't really start making sense until you admit you'd wanted to fuck... well, be fucked by Cas since God knows when."  
"What?!" Dean blushed like on command. "What the hell, Sammy! I've never... Okay, maybe once but I was drunk and lonely... He's an asshole though!"  
Sam sighed again. "Here we go again. Forget I said that." he closed his eyes, gripping the bottle harder. "I just hope you work it all out."  
"We will. And if we don't, I'll burn his half of the house down so he will have to move out." Dean said seriously.  
"Dean!" Sam frowned.  
"What? I was joking, Jesus, can't a man make an innocent joke now?" Dean snorted, shaking his head.  
Sam stared down at him.  
"I really didn't mean for his doormat to actually catch on fire! It **was** an accident!"

Sam sometimes seemed so done with Dean's shit, it actually started to hurt. Dean knew that in this very moment Sam doubted he would be a good parent and added Dean miraculously developing parental skills to his list of prayes. He lowkey hated it. They stared each other down in silence.

"By the way" Sam eventually broke it. "Dad said you should have had oral."  
"What?!" Dean's face reached a new depth of red.


	3. Chapter 3

The two weeks marking the end of Sam's visit flew by surprisingly swiftly. Dean would have almost forgotten he was pregnant, if not for all the continuous puking and a brand new fridge calendar with all the doctor appointments marked bright red on the small planner. He was actually really fond of the doctor he chose, or rather was recommended by Lisa. Doctor Mills definitely belonged to his favourite category of people as she didn't ask many questions, like for example why there wasn't any other parent there for Dean or, for that matter, anyone to support him because Dean didn't allow Sam to tag along.

("People had thought us gay for each other enough times already, Sammy. No need to add incest suspicions on top of all the other problems."  
Sam bitchfaced him, of course, but didn't force his company on him in the end.)

Dean was also glad to hear he was still allowed to work normally for now. Doctor Mills advised him not to strain himself, which seemed kind of undoable as he was a car mechanic, but Bobby, bless his grumpy soul, gave Dean a learning assistant to push around. Sam expressed his concern about Dean getting pampered and thus lazier but Dean suspected he was going to actually miss the hard work soon. He liked to get dirty and personal with the cars.

The whole animosity that used to exist between him and Cas seemed to have gone through the window at once. It was fairly magical and Sam kept teasing him that this only proved their arguments were purposeless in the first place. Dean would agree with him silently, if not for the fact that he came to a terrifying realisation that these quarrels actually did have a very important purpose - keeping them entertained.

He experienced a bout of actual melancholy when he saw Cas handwash his Lincoln for the first time in forever. Dean was always giving him shit for going to the car wash down the street. Cas didn't seem to care about his car even half as much as it deserved, which was getting on Dean's nerves ever since Dean started noticing it. Now though Cas was trying, actually trying to please Dean and it felt all kinds of wrong. Not just because Cas apparently didn't know jack shit about waxing. It felt wrong because Dean couldn't shout at him and go over there to point out all the scratches the mechanical car wash has left. What was even worse, he was sure that if he walked there to critique Cas' technique, Cas would swallow his pride and ask him for advice.

Dean could imagine the slight embarassment on the man's face and that expectant awe he would feel if Dean showed him how to create that shine he loved on his Baby. That awe which would look dangerously similar to the one Cas had that morning when Dean woke up by his side and... this was definitely not a memory Dean would like to dwell on under any circumstances.

And so Dean felt trapped. He couldn't be a douche towards Cas since Cas wasn't really giving him any occasion to be one. Overnight he turned into a perfect neighbour as if their hatered had never existed in the first place. The transition was sadly not as easy for Dean. He was struggling and out of that struggle and idea was born. He just had to wait for Sam to leave and then... Then he had to push Cas back onto the old familiar path they both knew so well for many years.

***

Driving back from the airport, Dean already had a demonic plan forming in his head. Honestly, it wasn't his fault that the new perfect neighbour persona of Cas was boring him to death. He needed their casual banter back, he craved it because honestly, the situation was odd enough without his nemesis acting out of character

As much as the thought of becoming a parent was exciting (he honestly had never imagined himself having that) it was also undeniably weird to lie there a night, perfectly aware that there was a growing, tiny person inside of him. How anyone pregnant could handle that realisation and not decide that being human was fucking nuts was beyond him. To be honest it also wasn't fully hitting him yet that out of all the people in the world he had ever shared his bed with, it had to be Castiel Novak who got him pregnant. The chance was literally one in a thousand, they had spent a single night together, hate-fucking for a couple of hours until they both fell asleep tired and bruised (and frankly, at least in Dean's case, deeply satisfied but please, don't tell anyone). How the situation he had to face now on a daily basis somehow ended up being the final result was a mystery. Especially because despite Crowley's convincing arguments the sex has not helped their conflict at all until the baby came into the picture.

Dean had had a couple of vivid memories he never wanted to think about again locked in a very dark corner of his mind but frankly would rather relive any of them a thousand times, if only it meant he could forever forget The Morning After. The Morning he woke up to Castiel wrapping up his tan limbs around him possessively but surprisingly softly, relaxed in his sleep and Dean spent what felt like hours just staring at Cas' face, lax and devoid of any negative emotions, unquestionably angelic in the hesitant morning light. So beautiful Dean wanted nothing more but to kiss him there and then, claim these slightly reddened lips that had sucked bruises into his skin but never met his own, not even once during the whole night.

It was so embarassing to actually admit even just in the privacy of his own mind that he would very much like Cas to forever stay between his sheets. He wanted that annoying stuck up dude, who was probably the biggest bore in the whole universe, moaning his name into Dean's ear over and over again until the world ends. It was the sickest, most cruel joke of the higher power that probably existed out there, making Dean programmed to be attracted to stormy blue eyes, disheveled dark hair and runner's thighs.

Dean hated the world and Dean hated himself but because it was the easiest way to let these emotions out, he projected that hate on Cas and his stupidly perfect everything. Especially his idiotic, goofy smile that appeared on his face first thing after he woke up. The softness that was not gone even though it was Dean staring back at him. It was physically painful not to just kiss that smile and pretend it was all meant to be this easy.

However, the best choice was to hide all of that behind a mask of anger, right?

"Your clothes are over there." Dean had sounded even more abrasive that he had intended to. Well, shit happens.

He had never witnessed anyone close off as quickly as Castiel did. Every trace of relaxed joy had disappeared from his face in a blink, replaced by clear hurt. Dean had refused to feel bad about that, not even when Cas had dressed up without a word and left, slamming the door hard behind himself. Dean had gotten drunk that day. It had all been fine, back to normal afterwards.

At least it seemed so until now, when he could sense The Soft Morning Castiel creeping just around the corner, peeking from behind The Good Neighbour Castiel ever since he decided not to be an ass anymore. Dean really couldn't afford having to deal with that on top of his pregnancy. He had to make Castiel hate him again despite the child, he had to push the soft Cas back where he belonged. It would be just so much easier for the both of them.

***

The plan required some patience and a lot of consistency. Dean wasn't scared of those, the commitment to the act though, that could be his downfall. He wasn't an actor at all so he just had to rely on the general grumpiness in hopes it could pass at any given moment as his genuine attitude.

Because honestly, who on Earth could take the mixed smells of fish, pickles and Nutella without genuinely craving that particular combination. It was hell of a devotion he got going there. Not to mention he had to handle all of that in the middle of the night. A plan is a plan though and so he called upon Cas at two a.m., silently hoping it would all pay off.

Castiel picked up the phone after four rings.  
"Hello?" he more asked that answered.  
"It's me, Dean." Dean said.  
"Yeah, so?" Cas sounded barely awake.  
"I crave pickles." Dean whined; it was a good whine, hundred percent believable. "And Nutella. And mackerel. I don't have any." he ended sounding almost hysterical, step aside Meryl Streep.  
"And what do I have to do with that?" Cas groaned.  
"Bring me some." Dean made a pleading face, even though Castiel obviously couldn't see him; he was really feeling this roleplay. "Please."  
"I'm in my pyjamas, Dean." Cas' heavy sigh sounded mostly resigned.  
"I left the basement passage open on my side so you can get through there." Dean let a hint of self-satisfaction slip into his voice.  
"You planned this!" he could practically hear Castiel squint in frustration; he congratulated himself.  
"I realised I should be ready for everything and anything." Dean knew he sounded just a notch too cheery but he couldn't help himself.

For the first time since he moved in there with Sam a couple of years ago, he was actually glad that for some mysterious reasons the people who built the semi-detached house decided to leave a doorway in the basement that allowed to come from one half of the house to the other. They had locks on both sides so there had to be a mutual agreement to allow the passage but still, before all of this went down, Dean found the presence of the door quite unsettling and lowkey wanted to brick it up just because. Fast forward to now and he was glad he hadn't.

"How thoughtful of you." Cas summed up coldly and ended up the call.  
So the plan was working, Dean could already sense them going back to the familiar bickering. He couldn't wait.

***

As it turned out soon enough, not only did Dean's plan not work, it also massively backfired.

Cas showed up five minutes later, dressed only in his pyjama bottoms, which really was a low blow, and not only had everything Dean requested but also a steaming mug of tea in his hand. He didn't look too angry either. In the warm glow of Dean's night light he seemed tired but also definitely not irritated at all. And as if to add insult to the injury, he stuck around to watch Dean consume his extravagant order.

"Don't tell me you had all of this at hand." Dean grimly assessed the pickles; God he hated those.  
"Let's say I expected something like this to happen." Cas shrugged.

He didn't sit down because the only available surface was Dean's bed since Dean had a bad habit of piling up his clothes on the chair that faced his desk. However, he clearly wasn't going anywhere soon. Dean focused on the food because it was a choice safer than staring at Cas' bare chest.

"I did some reading, you know." Cas added a moment later.

Dean munched on a pickle absently. For a while the crunching was the only sound in the whole house, if you ignored the tiny noises every building makes. This whole scene felt dangerously domestic and easy to enjoy. Even if he was about to put some Nutella where a pickled cucumber had just been.

"Aren't you angry at me for waking you up?" Dean hated that it came out actually apologetic and small, almost shy.  
Cas sighed.  
"I was at first but then I realised it wasn't really your bad will. These cravings just happen." his voice was low, fitting the chill ambience.

Dean was glad that his bedroom was mostly dark aside from the night lamp and the traitorous blush on his cheeks couldn't be so easily seen.

"I honestly want us to get along well." Castiel continued, looking staright into Dean's eyes now. "For the sake of our child."  
Dean gulped loudly, unable to escape the hypnotizing blues.  
"Yeah, our child."  
God, he **really** hated pickles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just noticed it's been about a month since I last posted, oops. I'm really sorry guys, I know I promised frequent updates but I did not expect the exams this semester to be that time consuming, I was studying non stop and quite frankly, I'm still completely out of the loop, even though my last exam was this Thursday. However, I managed to pass them all somehow so now I have two weeks off and I would very much love to finish this fic during that period. I hope you can forgive me now that I'm gonna finally provide :D

Dean hated that he actually felt shitty for making Castiel fullfill his idiotic request. If only the guy had actually gotten angry, Dean wouldn't have to be mad at himself. This just wasn't right, the two of them not fighting at all.

That whole night ordeal put him in a foul mood the next day. He hadn't even puked that morning, which was a miracle on its own, but he still felt like his mouth tasted of something long dead as he ate his cereal straight from the box and washed it down with milk gulped out of the carton.  
_A true barbarian._ he scoffed at himself and peered through the window.

The day was grayish, autumn creeping into their town more decidedly now. He absently thought about having to buy some warm clothes for himself that would take into consideration his growing bump. It wasn't clearly visible yet but he could feel himself getting a little pudgier. He also should start gathering baby supplies but even though he didn't exactly dread shopping, he felt like he still had time for that.  
That Saturday felt a little gloomy in general so he wasn't exactly eager to leave the house and decided to ignore how much his lawn needed moving. Not like the grass was protesting anyway.

Dean stretched his arms up in an attempt to maybe feel a little bit better with a couple of satisfying spine cracks, when something caught his attention. A movement. He walked closer to the window and surely enough there he was. Castiel in his garden, washing his car again because apparently he wasn't done throwing Dean out of the loop. Why on Earth he would start finally listening to Dean's adivce but also not doing any research beforehand at all was escaping Dean's understanding. Whatever Cas was doing was a disorganised mess and, from what he could see rather than hear, also involved quite a lot of swearing.

A genius idea hit Dean. No moment more perfect to drive Cas up the wall and get him to fight Dean like in the happy olden days.

Quickly, Dean threw on a jacket and boots and trying to look casual, went outside. He took his sweet time walking over to the fence that separated their properties. For a while he just kept staring at the chaos Castiel had made. Every garden hose and cable were tied together into a huge ball that resembled a plate of spaghetti, shampoos and waxes were scattered all over the driveway, some of them with open caps and leaking onto the ground. In the middle of that lovely composition was Cas, scrubbing at the car with what seemed to be a kitchen sponge. Tiny, scratchy and useless.

"I think you could use some help." Dean called out casually.

Castiel turned around in a rapid swirl. For a second his eyes sparkled angrily but he immediately schooled his expression into something more friendly. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, effectivelly leaving a trail of foam on there and getting some into his hair.

"Not gonna lie, I'm definitely not the best at car washing." he said.

Dean didn't need any more encouragement. He jumped over the fence in a smooth movement and thoroughly enjoyed Castiel almost throwing himself forward to stop him and pausing to end up on a miserable attempt not to broadcast his full body cringe. It seemed like he was genuinely protective of Dean now. Dean stored that thought to mull over later. Now he had to focus on the task at hand.

First thing he stopped the shampoo from leaking any further, then he assesed the situation from up close. The whole yard was a hot mess and Castiel, who kept holding onto the sponge somehow miserably, seemed to fit into this cathastrophic landscape perfectly. Dean sighed.

"Okay, the first thing you always wanna do is not knot all of the usefull things together so they become unusable. Help me deal with this." he pointed at the pile that lied at Castiel's feet. This finally got the guy to move.

It took a couple of minutes since the tangle started off almost hopeless but eventually they made it, somehow managing to avoid touching each others hands in the process for which Dean was thankful.

"Now." Dean grunted while straightening up. "The car should be wet before you begin doing anything. Just spray it with water, it won't take off most of the dirt but will wash away some bigger debris and soak whatever is stuck firmer to the body."

Cas nodded, seeming to be an attentive student and Dean caught himself feeling oddly satisfied. In no time he walked his neighbour through his typical car washing routine, one shampoo and two waxes, which for him was a bare minimum. He had to bring some actually usable cloths and once again jumped over the fence, if only to see Cas frown and shake his head. He was actually trying to tease his neighbour while they worked, to rile him up, step on his pride a little but the guy was just taking all the criticism and swallowing all the words that were, Dean had to admit, sometimes overly harsh. Not everyone had to be so obsessed with their car and know all this stuff. Most people didn't. It was slightly unfair to bring Cas down for it so much but once he started, Dean couldn't quite stop bickering.

The fact that Cas wasn't picking up the gauntlet and just nodded along, even if his mouth was a thin line of irritation, was only adding fuel to the fire. Dean realised he looked like an asshole but it all kept spiralling down, completely out of his control. He had to physically force himself to shut up at some point and only talk again to explain the next step.

Slowly, as they worked together in silence, Castiel seemed to relax and Dean felt relieved. Which was kind of weird since his main goal was to be best enemies with Cas again, except that he fucking failed once more and didn't even see that as a bad thing anymore. God, these must have been the pregnancy hormones obscuring his mind. There was literally no other explanatian to all of that and the fact that once they finished cleaning up, he accepted an invitation for a cup of coffee in Cas' house. And he did so with a smile.

***

Castiel's home was a mirrored image of Dean's, except Cas stuck to a bit less modern interior scheme, clearly more into a slightly antique aesthetic with heavy old furniture in warm brown tones. His house was also definitley cleaner that Dean's, which he obviously wasn't about to point out out loud. Surprisingly he didn't feel completely out of place on this territory which he always considered unwelcoming. He could get dangerously used to visiting there.

They sat at the kitchen island while the coffee machine was working its magic and Dean found himself at a loss for words but also not entirely bothered by that. The silent company was not unwelcome at all.

He tried not to seem too curious as he looked around, taking in the small things and ultimately also avoiding looking at Castiel. His sight fell onto a pile of books placed carefully on the window sill and stopped there. He blinked a couple of times quickly. They all seemed to be baby-themed books in these god-awful pastel colours that became all too familiar to him recently. However, Cas had at least thrice as much as Dean, which could make someone question who of them was actually pregnant.

"Are those all guides for future parents?" he asked before he could stop himself.  
Could have been just his imagination but he was almost certain Castiel blushed slightly.  
"I have zero experience." he tilted his head and Dean caught himself finding that small gesture adorable, which really should not be happening, what the hell. " I just didn't want to go into this completely unprepared."  
"You're a nerd." Dean observed.  
"Is that a bad thing?" Castiel raised one brow and not waiting for an answer, stood up to serve the coffee that was now filling the kitchen with a delicious aroma.  
Dean hid his face in the mug, deciding that this question really did not need an answer. He didn't intend to offend Castiel and clearly felt Castiel took no offence.

It was dangerously homey, sipping coffee together in that cozy kitchen. The silence was comfortable, everything felt offly familiar as if this situation was something that just happens regularly. As if it wasn't just an odd circumstance, a chance close to none that brought them into the weird land of maybe-not-yet-friendship but a pleasant acquintance.

Somehow no matter how much of an ass Dean tried to be, it wasn't effectively making Castiel despise him anymore. He would probably have to go to some disgusting lengths to put a halt to this whole... thing they had going, if he wanted to keep the distance. At this point though, it seemed like an easier path to just give up, befriend Cas for real and maybe even enjoy the shared parenthood experience to some extent. As much as an awkward duo of friends who happened to fuck once could. However, there was this small part of Dean that was wilting from the lack of daily mind excersises that involved coming up with creative ways to anger Cas.

Before they moved here, he used to try all of his best pranks on Sammy and picking Castiel as his full-time replacement was only natural once Sam left for Stanford. Without Cas as his target he would grow bored to death quickly. He felt like coming up with creative ways to make somebody's life a little less predictable was the simplest thing one could do to keep a sharp mind. He wasn't ready to retire and become an old nice man yet.

***

After finishing his coffee, Dean went back to his house through the basement door. He just didn't feel like putting boots and jacket back on, all he wanted was to nap and because napping on Cas' sofa would be too weird even on such an odd day, he had to move to his own bed.

Truth to be told, he felt more and more bloated and slow every day. The changes were subtle but he felt like he was outgrowing his own skin. He was actually starting to outgrow his jeans a little. When he was bothered to eat a proper meal, he ate like a medium-sized rhino so eventually he couldn't avoid gaining some weight. Not to mention there was an actual human being growing inside of him. All these thoughts tortured him as he was slowly ascending the stairs, bringing the issue of shopping back to light and so he decided to call Cas after his nap was done with.

Cas didn't sound too surprised to hear his voice but wasn't too eager to drop everything he was doing and take Dean to the store right that second.  
"Why not tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.  
_Because the plan to annoy you while washing the car didn't work so I hope keeping this extreme bother act will._ thought Dean.  
"Because..." he whined instead. "I'm going to my parents' tomorrow. And I need clothes."  
"Your clothes look fine, Dean." Cas grumbled.  
"They will stop looking fine soon." Dean's tone became more gravelly. "I'm blossoming into a perfect orb."  
"Okay, fine, I'll be there in a second." Castiel sighed heavily.

Dean put down the phone with excitement. He couldn't wait to spend more time with Castiel. And annoy the shit out of him, of course, that was his main reason. He planned on being a picky bastard and not just because of his plan to not be a good friend. The choice of masculine pregnancy clothes was traditionally not as vast as feminine. True that it was not unfounded as male pregnancies were significantly rarer but still normally Dean would be irritated by that except it gave him a valid reason to complain now. He couldn't wait to not pick anything and take a long journey through all the shops in town.

***

The problem was that Dean liked everything. He has never before entered a shop like this, targeted at all people pregnant but he quickly realised he had been missing out. The clothes there almost made you want to actually be permanently pregnant just to have an excuse to wear those.

"Who is designing this shit?" he whispered, eyes big in awe.  
Castiel studied a couple of tags.  
"Tattoo artists." he answered after a while.  
"This is fucking incredible, Cas." Dean couldn't even bring himself to try and pretend like it wasn't.

The clothes stood out as absolutely incredible works of art, dark and mysterious images, animals, warrios, abstract concepts on all shirts specifically sewn to contain a growing belly, provide more support or even mask it, if that was what you wanted. Not to mention materials felt like they were high quality. On top of that they actually had a Star Wars section and Dean couldn't stop himself from craving everything that had Han Solo's face on.

Castiel quietly followed him, holding a growing mountain of clothes Dean wanted to try on. Dean didn't pay much attention to him as he scrolled through stacks and hangers. He didn't even look at the guy until he almost crashed into some lady who, after apologizing and sharing excitement over the clothes, commented on them two being a very cute couple.

"We're not..." Castiel blushed at that, clearly attempting to clarify but Dean butted in.  
"Thank you, you're so nice." he said sweetly and quickly waved her goodbye.

Once she was out of the earshot, Cas stepped closer to Dean.  
"Why didn't you..." he begun gesturing between them with his chin since his hands were currently unavailable.  
"Look, we don't have to tell our story to everyone who assumes we're touching dicks in a romantic way." Dean lowered his voice, leaning towards Cas. "It doesn't matter. It all comes down to you actually being the dad anyway so if that's not a close friend, then it really doesn't matter at all, if we are a couple or not in their eyes."  
Castiel didn't say anything to that, he just looked a bit redder in the face than usual.  
"Now let me try these on and tell me if they fit fine." Dean grabbed the first couple of things from Cas' arms and marched into the changing room.

When he came out in a set of pyjamas, Cas just blinked at him.  
"Don't tell me this pattern isn't amazing." Dean made a little twirl.  
The pyjamas were gray, dotted with cartoonish kittens that all looked underslept and five thousand percent done in one way or another. Dean loved it. Cas just stared owlishly and didn't offer any comments so Dean decided to buy it anyway, disappearing back behind the curtain with a huff.

Castiel stayed silent, just handing out one piece of clothing after another, and finally Dean found himself growing frustrated. He had just put a pair of soft pants on and they quite successfully imitated jeans, while remaining comfortably stretchy, when something inside of him snapped.  
"Why aren't you saying anything?" his voice bordered on a growl. "I need to know, if my ass looks okay in that, I need some input, dammit!"  
Cas' sight zeroed in on Dean's eyes.  
"I would love to provide some... input. But you voice all of my thoughts before I do so it seems unnecessary to repeat what you already know." he shrugged awkwardly at Dean's pout.  
"I thought you cared a little bit more, if only for the sake of the baby." Dean said accusingly. "You want a stylish baby, don't you?"  
"I do care, yes." Cas moved to step closer but stopped halfway through. "You just look really good always, Dean. I'm not worried about the baby's fashion sense or good looks."  
Dean squinted at that, analizing Cas' expression but it remained unreadable. He decided to let go. At least for now. The unexpected success of the shopping day quickly made him forget all the reasons to be sour. That and the burgers they grabbed on their way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All car washing tips based on what my father always does.  
> The amazingness of the shop guys visited is inspired by Medicine, an actual shop, which is one of my personal favourites. I haven't been paid to promote them but I love them a lot, so if they sell in your country, definitely check them out :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's where the steamy bits start happening, I hope you're ready ;D This is also a warning for those of you who somehow didn't notice the rating or the tags, although, why else would you be here? xD

The world seemed to have readjusted to the new situation and found its balance. The next couple of weeks looked fairly similar to each other with Dean working from Monday to Friday and finding a way to bother Cas for the rest of the week, even if his attempts at reigniting their old conflict were half-assed at most. It just felt pointless to try, since nothing ever worked. Besides, there was a bigger problem on his hands that came into the light. Apart from the baby bump being visible now and starting to physically limit Dean, he also very much started to realise the hormones were taking their toll.

The sad but true fact was, he couldn't get it up.

Normally it was a part of his routine on a chill evening, when no one was gracing him with their presence, to play a random porno on the big screen and have some quality time to himself. Except now for whatever reason, it really was not happening. At least he was as per usual a solo act so the embarassment and frustration remained a private issue, nevertheless after a couple of days on which he had to hit the sack completely unsatisfied, he could feel the tension gathering and making him absolutely intorelable to coexist with.

He snapped harshly at the poor assisstant at work, he snapped at Bobby, he even snapped at Sam over the phone, he'd snap basically at anyone who crossed his path because he was simply unable to unwind. It fucking sucked, if you asked him.

Thursday evening Dean decided this couldn't go on like that. He was normally a pretty vanilla, simple 'my hand & me' guy, when he went at it alone but he did happen to own a couple of toys his great friends like Charlie gifted to him. Cursing under his breath he pulled out a dusty box from his closet. Maybe that ridiculous dragon dildo could prove itself useful for once.

It demanded some mental preparation and a copious amount of lube but eventually he could start easing the toy in. God bless Charlie for going extravagant only with the shape, not the size. At first Dean wanted to do it on the bed but the matress was too springy to ride the thing like he planned so he moved onto the floor where the suction cup could work its magic pretty easily.

Dean took a deep breath and holding the air in, he started impaling himself. His dick was barely interested at first but as the stretch increased it twitched a little. Dean didn't like the toys as much for their slightly unnatural feel but this one, with its unusal form, was at least fairly curious and evoking some thrilling sensations. Inch by inch he eased himself onto it and as the tip grazed his prostate, he shivered in pleasure. He sunk down as much as he could and then, securing the toy at the base with one hand, raised up, the slide inside of him sending pleasant sparks throughout his pelvis. Slowly he set a pace for himself and started squeezing his dick with the other hand. It wasn't fully hard, not like he knew it could be, but it wasn't completely flaccid either so that was something already.

He closed his eyes and his brain provided him with a memory of warm hands on his sides, roaming around, teasing his skin. If he focused he could almost feel warm flesh entering him instead of a piece of plastic. Somebody else stretching him open, filling him in, biting at his ear and neck, holding him tight.

Dean could almost feel all of that but... the almost was apparently not nearly fucking enough for his picky dick now. The thing was just not getting any harder than it already was, which was definitely not nearly hard enough, if he wanted to come anytime soon. He groaned loudly in frustration as a morbid feeling of certainty hit him; he could be tugging at his cock all he wanted until the entire skin rubbed off and it wouldn't bring him anywhere closer to the sweet land of orgasm. Honestly, it was making him want to cry, he was just so frustrated, sitting there on the floor with an extravagant purplish dildo up his ass and a barely erect penis in his hand.

"Fucking hell." he mumbled angrily at himself as he felt his eyes growing dangerously wet and cheeks hot.

Before he could make a decision to either give up or just skip that part completely and get right to setting himself on fire, the door burst open.

"Are you okay? You weren't answering your phone so I came to check up on you but then I heard a groan and..." Castiel abruptly stopped talking as his brain finally caught up to what he was seeing. A crimson blush coloured his face and neck immediately. "Oh... I'm sorry..." he said, taking a step back.

Dean was definitely not capable of thinking rationally at that moment. He was pissed, he was done, he just had to take it all out somehow and the moment was as good as any other.

"It's all your fucking fault!" he bursted out accusingly. "You are directly responsible for all of this! Oh my fucking God, I can't take it any longer, son of a bitch!" he tried to grasp some control over himself but the tears of frustration started rolling down his face. "It's so fucking unfair and I want out right this second!" he ended on a sob, which he really hated himself for.

Castiel just stared at him frozen, clearly not understanding anything, while also bravely trying not to peek at his private parts.  
"What's wrong, Dean?" he asked with genuine concern.  
"I... I..." Dean took a deep breath. "I can't get myself off. These fucking hormones broke my dick, Cas. I can't come. I cannot cum, if my life depended on it and it sort of starts to feel like it really does because I can't function like this." he covered his face with his hand. "Not even this stupid ass dildo works."

"Don't you have somebody who..." Cas swallowed hard, casting just a quick glance at where Dean's ass was still clearly stretched around the toy.  
"Do you think I would be pregnant with our baby, if I had someone?" Dean looked at Castiel like he was stupid. "I don't want to pick some random stranger and embarass myself." he added, flushing pink at the realisation how vulnerable he actually was.  
"It's not embarassing, Dean." Cas said, his whole demeanor softening. "It happens."  
"It's been like that for over a week now!" Dean felt the anger taking over again. "I'm really done with this bullshit and it's all your fault so now **you**  should come up with a way to make it stop!"

He didn't exactly think about what he was saying until Cas' expression shifted. His eyes suddenly had this dangerous glint to them.

"I can try." he said and in a blink found himself kneeling by Dean's side. "Do you want me to?"  
Dean looked straight into his eyes and realised exactly how bad of an idea this was. He nodded, completely hypnotized.  
"Okay. Then come on." Cas almost whispered now, his low voice sending a shiver down Dean's spine.

He helped Dean up and off the toy. Once empty, Dean's ass felt cold and he himself felt very small and stupid. However, Cas' hand was burning hot on his arm and his touch gentle as he guided him to the bed and urged to lie down and close his eyes.

"Relax and don't think." he murmured. "Just feel."

Dean took a deep breath and when he exhaled, these warm hands were everywhere, gently caressing his body, hovering around his nipples, sliding along his sides and legs but avoiding his stubborn dick. The air shifted around him and a hot breath tickled the delicate skin at the base of his throat, sliding down to the sternum and then his belly button where it ended its journey in a quick, soft kiss, so ethereal and barely there that Dean wouldn't be sure it happened, if not for a shiver that electrified his whole body up to his fingertips.

The bed creaked but he really wasn't prepared for a wet tongue to lick across his nipple just like that, without any warning whatsoever. He couldn't help a small moan escaping his mouth. It was always a very sensitive spot for him and somehow Castiel seem to have discovered that as he kissed at the nubs for a longer while, devoting all of his attention to them. Dean arched into Cas' mouth, squashing all of the thoughts about how he should probably control himself more. He didn't want to come off as too eager or needy, except that he really was eager and needy as hell at the moment.

He whined, when Cas' tongue and lips disappeared abruptly, and then he whined even louder as they reappeared between his legs. Castiel was not playing around, he lapped at Dean's hole vigorously and Dean couldn't help himself, he had to open his eyes and look because just... holy fuck. A shiver run through him as he found Cas' eyes intently locked on his face. They were big and ridiculously innocent, while his tongue so filthily wormed its way into Dean and then licked a wet stripe up to his balls before diving back in. Without a doubt now, Dean's dick was twitching and Cas smiled in a positively predatory way.

"Relaxed yet?" he asked in a low purr.  
Dean could only nod, mesmerized and trapped like a deer in the headlights by the look he was being given. Castiel looked like he actually wanted nobody more than he wanted Dean at the moment, as if he immensely enjoyed pressing his soft lips to the base of Dean's dick and kissing along his shaft. Castiel's eyes kept Dean trapped and it took him by a surprise, when a finger slid into his hole with an ease, aiming straight for his prostate.

"Fuck." he breathed out, even though he was already stretched wide. Each added finger was increasing the sweet pleasure and the gentle kisses and laps at his dick slowly coaxed him into full hardness.

"Hello there." Cas sounded pleased with himself and swallowed him whole without any warning.

Dean cried out Cas' name and bucked up helplessly, attacked by the pleasure from both the fingers massaging his prostate relentlessly and the sweet suction around his cock. Castiel took him in like it was the easiest, most enjoyable thing to do, his eyes still trained on Dean as he hollowed his cheeks. And honestly, the sensations themselves weren't what did it for Dean, it was that sight that was just really something else. These baby blues were comanding him to come apart at the seams as they looked at him as if nothing and nobody in the entire universe counted but for Dean and his pleasure.

"Cas!" Dean warned but Castiel didn't seem to care, taking him even deeper, the head of Dean's dick hitting the back of his throat. "Oh fuck..."

It was all he could say before he was coming in long spasms of an incredible relief. It felt like he was spilling into Cas' mouth for years, gasping for air and squeezing the sheets he was holding onto, while Cas swallowed all of it, just a drop slipping out, stuck in the corner of his mouth. Dean wanted to lick that drop off, he wanted it so bad, just to taste himself on Cas' lips and then kiss that taste off completely to unravel the pure taste of Castiel beneath it.

"God..." he said, letting his head loll to the side instead as all of Cas' presence moved out of his space. "Thank you." he added softly, his eyes falling shut.

No answer came to that, the usual creaks of the house the only sound surrounding him now, air cold against his bare skin.

When he sat up alarmed by the prolonging silence, there was no sign of Cas in his room. He was gone, as if he was never there in the first place.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out my depressed ass really sucks at bringing updates as promised ahhh, sorry, I really don't know what happened, I just cannot accomplish anything these days and this fic really seems to be unlucky, yikes, I've been trying to post this since March.

Dean was unequipped to deal with the situation at hand. Which, to be clear, was Cas acting like nothing happened the day before. Dean spotted him all energetic and on his merry way to work, when he himself crawled out of his den to face the morning with not nearly enough of coffee in his bloodstream.

"Morning." he mumbled before he realised he kind of really didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room, said elephant being Castiel sucking him off and then sneaking out with Dean's cum on his face.  
"Morning!" Cas replied, a huge smile appearing on his face; Dean wasn't given the time to examine his expression for any signs of trouble as Cas immediately got into his car and just drove away.

The whole scene lasted about ten seconds and left Dean blinking in utter confusion. On his way to the garage he tried to decide whether it was a good thing or a bad one, if they never spoke of this even again. He sort of wanted to consult with Charlie but he had a feeling she'd call him a tool and then try to convince him that there was definitely more to it and he should pursue Cas because what could be better than dating your ex-enemy, right? It made for such a fantastic how-I-met-your-father story! 

That is, of course, if he still even should be calling Cas his enemy. This was a development, really, they weren't fighting at all. They weren't exactly friends but, at least to Dean, it felt like they were on a pleasantly neutral ground. Well, if you count an odd sexual favour a typical sign of neutrality.

Dean could really use a drink.

***

He was fucking haunted. Every moment his thoughts weren't strictly focused on his work, they kept drifting back to the memory of Castiel's eyes. Surprisingly not even the sexual aspect of their encounter, no, just his fucking eyes trained on Dean with that weird intensity. In many ways this was even worse than being tortured by sexual frustration, he wasn't angry, he was distracted and that was making his work rhythm fall apart even worse. During the lunch break he caught himself dropping screws into his coffee and that definitely spoke volumes of how bad this got for him. Not that he really could name what "this" was but it was nothing but bothersome.

Dean felt a sudden urge to face Cas, scream at him for causing all of the inner turmoil, breaking Dean somehow. Everything started falling apart the night they had sex so it was obviously Castiel's fault. The pregnancy, the odd hormones and Cas' stupid friendliness, of course, that's what made Dean not feel like good old self anymore.

Buzzing with the need to somehow stop the endless cycle of his life spiralling down, Dean picked up his phone and opened the messages. He had to somehow make Castiel aware that this wasn't alright. He couldn't just be doing such things to Dean and go about his day as per usual. Dean had to write something harsh and striking right about now, it was high time to force Cas to admit he was fucking with Dean's head on purpose. He had to show him where his place was!

 _Do you need anything from the store?_   was what Dean somehow ended up sending about a minute later.

He stared at his own text message, blinking in surprise.

 _What do you mean, Dean?_   came the reply.  
_I'm doing some shopping. Need anything?_   he felt oddly detached from his own hands that were doing the typing all on their own.  
_I'm low on butter..._ Cas eventually texted back.

Dean glared at his phone like it betrayed him. He didn't intend on saying any of this at all. He shook his head rapidly and then picked up his mug. Then he remembered there were screws in it so he put it back down. He sighed. Then he sighed again. Finally he dipped his fingers in the coffee to take the screws out. The brew had just about the temperature that felt the grossest against his skin. Not too warm but not entirely cold either.

Right as he was taking the last screw out, his phone buzzed scaring him effectively into dropping it back into the coffee with a splash.  
"Great." he said angrily to himself.  
It was a text from Cas  
_Thank you :)_ it said.  
"Jesus fuck." said Dean, standing up to pour the coffee down the drain.

***

With a pat of butter in his hand Dean stared Castiel's door down. In theory he was just dropping the shopping he somehow ended up doing off so he could have just walked through the basement, left it on Cas' counter and be done with it but, first of all, it would be a bit creepy to just wander around Castiel's house like that and also he actually needed an excuse to talk to the man. It was kind of perfect to meet over something as trivial as butter.

Making up his mind, he pushed the bell button and heard the chime inside. Too late to walk away now.

Castiel opened the door and his expression quickly morphed from one of polite welcome into recognition and some sort of careful distance.  
"Oh, hi Dean." he said.  
"I brought the butter." said Dean, feeling a sudden wave of awkwardness. It made no sense, it was fucking butter.  
"Thank you." Cas took the pat from him, making a clear move to step back and close the door.  
"Listen, can we talk?" Dean heard himself saying before he realised he didn't feel up to that talk, not really.  
Castiel just stared him in the eyes for a long moment.  
"Sure, come on in." he eventually stepped aside to let Dean in.

Dean was so far out of his comfort zone he wanted nothing more but to turn around and flee. And yet he followed his neighbour into the now pretty familiar kitchen.

"Coffee? Tea?" Cas offered.  
"Just sit down with me for a moment, please." Dean had to act before all the bravery left him.  
Castiel raised his brows but sat opposite of Dean.  
"About yesterday..." Dean begun.  
"Wait." Cas furrowed his brows. "Didn't we agree not to talk about it nor mention it ever again?"  
"No?" Dean blinked at him owlishly.  
"I remember you saying just that while I was about to... oh." Castiel's eyes went wider too. "Oh, I see now, that was the first time. My apologies then. You're right, we can talk about it, so please, do continue."

Dean just stared at the man speechless. It was happening again, all the carefully maintained balance was being completely torn apart by the man who was sitting before him with his legs crossed and an anticipatory posture.

"Why are you doing this to me?" the question escaped his mouth before he fully comprehended what it could imply.  
"Doing what?" Cas seemed to be genuinely confused.

Dean really was not the guy to gut himself out and put all of his emotions on display. Especially if he himself wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling beyond permanent confusion.

"Nevermind." he raised from his sit rapidly. "Forget I asked, forget I was here today."  
"Dean!" Castiel stood up too, so quickly that he almost tripped over his stool.  
"I'm just not myself these days." Dean shook his head.  
"Are you alright?' suddenly Cas was there in Dean's space but Dean was busy feeling weird for other reasons. His head sort of buzzed and the vision went funny at the edges. The whole world was fuzzy in fact, as if he was encompassed by the tiny hairs of a bumblebee.

Cas was trying to say something to him but it was all a long beep as if he swore too much and the universe decided to censor him. It was actually kind of funny until the gravity switched and then everything went dark.

***

Dean opened his eyes slowly as his eyelids felt extremely heavy. He didn't know what he was expecting but certainly not Cas' face hovering over him, saying something he couldn't hear over the high pitched beep filling his head. He wondered if that's what an old Windows computer would feel like while being reset if it had feelings. He closed his eyes for a moment. Or they closed on their own, he wasn't really sure. Next thing he knew, there was a second face next to Cas'. Or did Cas have two heads now? No, the other one belonged to a woman. Cas was not a woman, Dean knew that, checked himself.

Both heads were saying something. There were some hands pulling at him. He was just so confused, he wished them to leave him be. He tried to push them away but his arms felt a bit like they had been buried in a sand. Slowly the sound was clearing up, starting to make sense.

"Dean? Dean?!" Castiel was shouting, even though he was **right there**.  
"What?" he groaned and then also groaned internally because his throat felt extremely dry.  
"Oh, thank God." Castiel sounded genuinely relieved and leaned away, his shoulders sagging a little.  
"You've fainted." said the woman and Dean realised she had to be a paramedic. Jesus, he had to be out cold for a while there, if the ambulance managed to arrive. "You have to be more careful about standing up quickly in your state." she added, grabbing his wrist to check his pulse. "You're lucky your fiance was there to catch you and call the ambulance. Falling can be dangerous and lying on a cold floor for a longer period of time isn't healthy either." she made a quick work of measuring his blood pressure. "It seems you're fine. You should rest now though and I'd suggest you avoid being alone as much as you can. Better to always have someone around." she looked at Castiel pointedly. "Take care of him." she said, gathered her things and left.

The sound of the door falling shut was really loud in the sudden silence.

"You gave me a scare there, Dean." Cas said silently.  
"Not like I did this on purpose." Dean scoffed. "Help me up."  
"Hey, hey, you are not going anywhere!" Cas protested but grabbed his arm anyway.  
"At least let me lie on the sofa then, Christ." Dean rolled his eyes. "Enough of the floor for now."

They walked to the living room slowly, Cas supporting Dean so firmly he was practically carrying him. Oddly enough, Dean didn't really mind it.

"Do you need anything?" Cas asked when Dean was safely spread on his soft, brown sofa, pillows tucked underneath his head.  
"Maybe a glass of water would be nice?" Dean sunk deeper between the cushions; it was way more comfortable than his own modern loveseat.

Cas brought him the water without a word and watched him drink with worry written all over his face.

"I'm fine, Cas, really." Dean grumbled, putting the now empty glass down.  
"I think you should see your doctor tomorrow, Dean. Maybe it's nothing but just to be sure." Castiel didn't look convinced at all, even though Dean clearly knew better how he felt.  
"I have an appointment on Monday." he admitted grimly. "Tomorrow is Saturday, in case you have forgotten."  
"Then I'm gonna watch over you during the weekend." Cas sounded adamant.  
"You're not gonna do such a thing!" Dean protested loudly.

***

So he was stuck with Cas now for the whole fucking weeked. Great, it was going to be a long one.

To begin with, it took Dean an hour to convince his self-proclaimed guardian angel to let him go back to his house and into his own bedroom. Not that he needed permission, he was an adult but he wouldn't put past this overly protective Castiel to tackle him down and tie him to the sofa, if he attempted to escape unannounced. He also had to accept Castiel's help getting there, even though he was perfectly capable of walking on his own. Yeah, Cas was a nice, warm, steady presence that was admittedly pleasant to lean on but being babied was getting old quick. He was pregnant, not dying and even perfectly healthy, unpregnant people happened to faint sometimes.

"I should at least change into pyjamas." Dean grumbled, having sat on his bed. "Not to mention that a shower would be nice."  
"Let's go then." Castiel sighed.  
"Oh no, you are not helping me shower!" Dean hated that he blushed crimson momentarily.  
"I've seen you naked, Dean." Castiel looked at him as if he was stupid.  
' _And that obviously went well every time._ ' Dean thought bitterly  
"I'm not an invalid, in case you haven't noticed." he scowled.  
"Fine. I will just wait outside the bathroom then." Cas rolled his eyes.

To that Dean could agree. He surpressed a sudden wave of disappointment.

***

Dean woke up to a muffled sound of swearing. He blinked a couple of times until his sight focused on Castiel stretching his back and groaning as he apparently had spent a night on a chair he brought himself from the living room. Of fucking course he wouldn't go back to his own bed after Dean fell asleep like every reasonable human would do.

"Are you being serious right now?' Dean rubbed at his face ad if it could swipe the rest of his sleepiness away.  
"And good morning to you too." Castiel's neck cracked loudly and he looked at Dean with a grimace.  
"Why haven't you left?" Dean shifted, gathering the will to get out of the bed.  
"I wanted to be there when you wake up and decide to do something stupid first thing." Cas made a quick circle around the room, stretching his legs.  
"Like?" Dean slowly move to sit on the edge of the bed.  
"Like deciding to stand up too fast again." suddenly Castiel was there right by Dean's side.

Dean rolled his eyes and stood up, waving Cas away. He was perfectly okay. Castiel didn't seem so sure of it as he reached out ready to catch him, which was absolutely ridiculous.

An extremely long weeked, indeed.

***

By the time the evening came around, Dean was done. Apart from his visits to the toilet there wasn't a single moment when Castiel was not watching him, alarmed by his every movement. Yeah, maybe it was actually touching to some extent but it was also definitely annoying and incredibly unsettling. Dean hasn't come close to fainting even once, however, he had dropped a couple of things simply because he was constantly being stared at.

Having Castiel's eyes trained on them would have stressed anyone out.

When the time to go to bed came, Dean was as tired as if he imagined he would be after running a fucking marathon, not spending the day scrolling online stores with baby stuff, doing pregnancy excersises and watching a movie.

Sliding underneath his covers, he sighed. Then he sighed again as Castiel took his place on the damned chair.

"Aren't you gonna go and get some good night sleep?" not that Dean was overly concerned for him, not at all.  
"I am here to watch over you, Dean" Cas gave him The Look, the one that said 'you're a fucking idiot'.  
"You'll kill your spine, if you sleep on that thing again." Dean pointed out.  
Castiel didn't reply, he just loved to be so annoyingly stubborn, God.

"Oh fuck this." Dean groaned. "Come on, if you must stay here, share the bed with me. I can't watch you readjust your bones in the morning again. Just take the shoes off and we're good." he patted the free side of the bed.

The truth was, he offered that partially because he expected Cas to decline. Obviously he had no luck that day, it couldn't pan out any different, could it?

Cas quickly undressed to his boxers and now there was another warm body in Dean's bed. And yeah, also a pair of blue eyes hypnotizing him from up close. Suddenly Dean's pyjamas felt too thin, he shivered and tearing his eyes away from Castiels', turned the ligths off.

The darkness didn't help much. He still could feel the eyes trained on himself and all the tiny hair on his body was standing up as if there was electricity running through him. They had sex in this very bed. Twice. If he wanted to, he supposed he could just reach out, pull Castiel closer to himself and get out of him whatever he wanted. Somehow he suspected Castiel wouldn't protest, no, he would take the control the second Dean touched him and then he would do that thing with his fingers and...

Trying to play it off as casual shifting, Dean pressed the heel of his hand to his dick because, obviously, the traitorous thing had to be instantly hard now. This immediate reaction to Cas' presence in his bed must have been some sort of pavlovian voodoo, he was conditioned to associate it with sexual pleasure. Clearly it was beyond any control.

Dean tried to think about everything unattractive he could come up with but every time he heard Castiel sigh silently, his mind was providing him with an all-senses memories of Castiel fucking him, sucking him off, touching his starved body... He bit the back of his hand not to mewl embarassingly, he was not going to let the situation get out of control again, even though he could feel his grip on it slipping away. He held his breath for longer periods of time and tried to lie as still as he could up until he decided that yes, Castiel's breathing has evened out and slowed down.

Only then he dared to bite the pillow hard and bring himself to a rushed orgasm with just a couple of sloppy pulls at his dick. At least this time his hand was mercifully enough.  He wiped his palm and crotch with a tissue and then threw it underneath the bed. He really had to get back on the dating market soon.

And with that thought he finally fell asleep. He must have dreamt the sound of Castiel's breath hitching just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lowkey hate myself for making that one reference. If you got it, I hope you hate me just as much.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean woke up to a warm body against his back, which was not entirely unexpected given that this was just his life these days. There also seemed to be a morning wood of a rather impressive nature pressing against his butt. Honestly, it was unfair as hell. Dean had to take a shower immediately.

Feeling as if there was a fire underneath his ass, he jumped out of the bed, almost tripped as he remembered to return for the gross tissue lying just underneath it, met a very confused and sleepy blue stare as he raised from his knees and run like he could actually escape the inevitable wave of want that surged over him.

He wanted to mess Castiel's hair even more than it already was, get him completely naked and ride his dick for the rest of that beautiful Sunday. He wanted to look into Castiel's eyes and watch him fall apart because that was only fair. Castiel got to watch Dean two times now, it was Dean's turn finally.

Except that, obviously, wanting all of that was plainly wrong. It was Castiel, for fucks sake. Yes, he was hot but he was also a massive douche. Okay, maybe his douchebagery was on hold right now as he proved himself to be protective as hell, caring and devoted but that was obviously just because of the baby. Once that tiny human would happily pop out of Dean's body, Castiel would not give him a minute of his time anymore, Dean was pretty sure of that.

So, instead of giving in to the temptation of delicious morning sex, Dean was happy to pretend he was enjoying his cold shower. He had to face another day of this bullshit without any alcohol at hand after all. He had a strong suspicion he was about to need a couple more of these showers.

***

In the evening Dean felt like someone up there just pressed a big replay button. Cas once again was not going anywhere and Dean apparently was not learning anything these days and invited him back into his bed.

Dean's dick twitched to life the moment Cas slid underneath the covers but Dean was set on not giving up. He clenched his teeth and stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes and opting for counting the sheep. He knew Castiel wasn't asleep either. He was all too well aware of that but he wasn't going to say a word. His voice would surely betray him and ask Castiel to fuck him right there and then.

And so they lied awake the whole night, just inches of space between where their hands lied on the covers. Dean wasn't sure he was actually proud of himself. His eyes mercifully fell shut at 5 am and he drifted into a shallow sleep.

***

Monday morning was rough. Not only because Dean had about three hours of what felt more like a nap than a true night sleep but also because he had to go to see the doctor. Which meant not forgetting any of the thousand and one papers from previous examinations and not forgetting to actually take himself there. The fact that Castiel decided to go with was not helping either.

"You already told that paramedic you were my fiance! Isn't that enough of an embarassment for this week?" Dean argued, skimming through his blood tests results.  
"A new week has just begun, Dean. Besides, I need to hear in person that your fainting was just a one time occurence and not something more serious. I know you well enough, you wouldn't tell me, if it turned out to be something dangerous. Don't even argue, Dean." Castiel crossed his arms on his chest and that was it.  
Yeah, he was actually right but it didn't mean Dean was eager to admit that.

About an hour later they walked into the clinic together. Dean actually felt more nervous than when he was coming there as a clearly single parent. Now all the nurses were smiling knowingly and not-so-discreetly ogling Cas. Which somehow sat really wrong with Dean, especially as Cas smiled at them more genuinely than he ever did at him. He couldn't wait for this trip to be over.

The doctor greeted him friendly as always and Dean had to give it to her, she only raised her brows the tiniest bit at the sight of Castiel. She didn't comment or ask any questions though, bless her soul. Cas sat in the corner, giving Dean all the privacy needed for the examination, which Dean was really thankful for. However, after that was done, he obviously **had** to mention the fainting incident.

"It may happen in an instance of a sudden stress." the doctor said. "That's why we advise to avoid any such environments and events that may cause it. As long as you remain in positive, relaxing surroundings and take it all easy, you're gonna be perfectly fine, Dean." she smiled at him.  
"See, I told you!" Dean smiled, triumphant at last. "No need to nanny me anymore."  
Cas grunted at that but didn't say a thing.  
"Now" the doctor broke the short silence. "Do you perhaps want to see the baby? We should be able to get a clear enough ultrasound at the moment."

Dean looked at Cas just to anchor himself to something. Seeing the baby? That would make it all so much more real. Was he ready? Were **they** ready? Well, perhaps no other time would find them more ready for that.  
"Sure." he said and Castiel nodded.

The gel was cold against his stomach and the head of the ultrasound didn't exactly feel pleasant either as the doctor pressed it quite forcefully. Somehow it wasn't the main reason Dean felt his heart flutter in his chest though.

"There." said the doctor and pressed some button that made the screen freeze. "Can you see?"  
Both him and Castiel leaned in closer to the machine and acting on an impulse, Dean gripped Castiel's hand because yeah, now he really could see. The shape was a bit blurry but clearly recognizable, this was, in fact, their baby.  
"Holy fuck." he whispered reverently and risked a glance at Castiel, who looked as astonished as he felt.  
"We really did create a life." Castiel said softly with such an innocent admiration in his voice that Dean felt a shiver go down his spine.  
And another one right after the first, when Cas looked at him with some big, unfathomable emotion written all over his face.  
"I'll print some pictures for you." said the doctor but Dean barely heard her, busy looking into Cas' eyes, unable to breathe, let alone move.

They just sat there frozen to their spots, wordless exchange livid between them and Dean really, really couldn't fully comprehend all of what was going on. And then Castiel kissed his hand, his eyes never letting go of Dean's.  
"Thank you for letting me be a part of this." he uttered softly and suddenly Dean could clearly see that he was way more fucked than he originally thought.  
Castiel's smile was the most genuine Dean had ever seen it to be. Unbelievably fucked.

***

They were quiet on their way home. Dean took that day off the work and it seemed like Castiel must have done so as well. They didn't have to talk, it was obvious enough that things have changed. Dean felt really cold one minute and then extremely hot another. He had a million questions but he couldn't ask any, Castiel didn't have the answers anyway and the universe didn't pick up the phone so often recently.

With every step on the short path from the car to the house Dean felt his will crumble a bit more. There really was nothing left of it when the door closed behind them and Castiel pressed him against the wall, right there in his tiny hallway.

"Let me worship you, Dean." he whispered hotly against Dean's ear and Dean shivered, unable to fight the blush heating up his cheeks.  
"Please." was all he could say.

It was enough to make Cas bite into his neck and tug at his shirt until the buttons gave in and Dean felt the chilly air against his skin.  
"God, you are so beautiful, Dean." Cas' voice was low, almost a purr. It felt like he was letting Dean on a secret.  
He sucked at the skin just below Dean's jaw and God, Dean should have stopped him because this was not a place where a hickey could be easily hidden but he was too far gone now, ready to just let Cas have his way with him.  
"Bed?" Cas asked as he let go of Dean's skin, a bruise already forming.

Dean could only nod and let himself be pulled up the stairs, along the bright corridor and into his bedroom. Last time they were walking in here together consciously set on having sex, it was him who pushed Castiel onto the bed and scratched at his arms as if he could peel everything that was so frustrating about him off with his bare hands. Now it was Cas taking over, powerful yet gentle, removing the clothes off the both of them effectively and then just hovering over Dean, looking at him as if it was the first time he was seeing him naked. A traitorous blush creeped back onto Dean's face, neck and chest.

"Can you roll over?" Castiel asked.  
"I can't really lie on my stomach now." Dean shrugged awkwardly. "I can get on my all fours though."  
"Please." there was a glint in Cas' eyes that looked borderline dangerous and Dean suddenly realised that not being able to look at him would mean relinquishing most of the control over this situation. However, he had done this once before and he yearned to do it again.

Before he could hesitate, he turned over, grabbed the lube and the condom (what? STDs don't omit pregnant people) off the nightstand, pushed them all into Cas' hands and then decided to just let it happen and not look again.

He shivered in anticipation, feeling extremely exposed presenting himself like that and he couldn't lie, he was getting off on that.  
_'Oral fixation'_ was all he could think when he felt Castiel lick a stripe from his balls up to his hole. Cas really was into these tongue excersises, it seemed, and it really proved that if you love something, you're more likely to excel at it. There was no denying that he knew exactly what to do. His tongue teased around Dean's entrance and prodded in just a bit, only enough to make Dean whine silently and push his ass further back. Cas' hands steadied his hips and he couldn't really fight against their stern presence but God, did he need more of everything. Castiel really didn't seem to be in enough of a hurry.

He took his sweet time, spreading Dean's cheeks and slowly worming more of his tongue inside, past the tight ring of muscles. It felt filthy and wet in all the right ways and Dean wanted to touch himself but he needed all the support from his hands not to fall flat on his face so he was all on Cas' mercy. There was no friction, no nothing to ease the throb of his leaking dick. The tickle of the drop of precum that hung there at the reddened tip was almost too much to bear. Dean could only watch between his arms as the gravity worked its magic and the precum dribbled down in a long sticky string. This was really going to be the death of him.

Just as he was surrendering to the thought of being forever teased, Cas' tongue jabbed inside of him the deepest it could go before momentarily disappearing.  
"Cas." he whined, hating his voice for sounding so desperate.  
In response Castiel bit his ass and slid a finger in. Dean saw stars. He knew Castiel was a pretty unpredictable beast in bed but now he was also merciless, suddenly making a very quick progress from one finger to two and then three as if his patience had run out in a blink. Dean could feel his legs tremble, the onslaught on his prostate was sudden and unforgiving almost to the point where it was too much to take.

"I'm ready, please, please..." Dean kept repeating like a broken record because he really was broken and he feared he could physically fall apart any moment now.  
"You're the most gorgeous like this, Dean." Castiel groaned and pulled his fingers out.

Dean couldn't help a gasp escaping his mouth at the sudden emptiness but it didn't last long. Cas just pushed Dean's legs further apart and slid in, Dean's ass taking him as if it was made just to do that, the stretch barely unpleasant at all. Castiel embraced him tight, slotting them close toghether and started off with the tiniest movements of his hips. It was overwhelming to feel so much skin against his own and coupled with the slow, steady drag of Castiel's dick inside him, it really was the biggest all-sense overdrive Dean had to ever deal with.

"Touch me" he begged. "Cas, please."  
But Castiel knew as well as he did that the moment he'd take Dean in his hand it would be over.  
"Not yet." he growled against Dean's nape, making all of his tiny hair raise on end.

Dean admired the patience with which he begun at the slow and steady pace but it really was driving him nuts. He really needed Cas to get on with this.  
"Is that all you got?" he asked teasingly, wishing he could more than just glance at Cas. "Come on, Cas."  
Castiel grunted and then pushed away to grip at Dean's hips firmly. He pulled almost his whole length out and then, without a warning, thrusted in to the hilt, forcing a loud moan out of Dean's mouth.  
"Like that?" he asked but Dean couldn't answer because now it was all deep and fast thrusts, nailing his prostate with such a precision he'd believe if someone told him that Cas had an x-ray vision.

He fought to stay in the position, gripping at the covers as the force pushed him down and forward and then dragged him back almost as if he was tied to Castiel's dick. He wanted to push against it but he really couldn't keep up now that Castiel seemed to be firmly set on wrecking him.  
"Fuck." was all he could breathe out.  
"Can you come just like that?" Cas purred, punctuating every word with a thrust.  
Dean sobbed and whined because he craved that relief so much, he craved the touch, any friction against his cock. He was ready to beg for it but he couldn't get a word out as Cas pounded into him, making him gasp for his breath.

The sweat was dripping down Dean's temples, his back and his arms, he felt hot all over and he felt filthy as the slaps of skin against skin echoed in his head. He was so highly strung he almost expected himself to snap in half, he honestly waited for it, he wanted to take one step too far and fall apart. And then Cas bit into his shoulder.

The orgasm hit Dean like an avalanche, all his muscles tightened up and then relaxed as he came in long strings of cum, spilling all over his covers. He barely registered Castiel grunt and freeze buried in him, likely spending himself too as Dean's hole spasmed around him.

Dean felt so fragile as all the tension and build-up found their release, he felt like he was just a lonely particle in the whole universe when Castiel slid out of him. And he really didn't mind feeling so small for once. He rolled onto his back and gazed at the ceiling, satisfied not to be thinking about anything at all for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where I originally wanted to end things but then... well, you know how sometimes some demonic thought possesses you and you know you really shouldn't follow through on some perfectly evil idea and most times you don't give in to it but when you are a writer, especially a fanfiction author, your will is so much weaker especially because you feel like in every longer fanfic shit MUST hit the fan at some point so yeah, why not let the demon whisper for a while more? It cannot be that bad, can it?  
> To be honest, yeah, it can, it really is. Please, if you love fluff and fluff only, pretend this is how the story ends and leave now. Shit gets heavy in the next chapter and I will repeat this warning when I post it but that's all I can do to stop you. I couldn't stop myself so maybe at least you can be saved. Run.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the warnings on this chapter. It gets better in the next one, I promise but if you're sensitive you may not want to read this.

The thoughts caught up with Dean the next morning or as it could also be called - three rounds later. He really was sore but he didn't expect anything less than that and he was prepared to have to get himself together anyway. At first he felt pretty at peace with the world while showering but then, as he stepped back into the room, a creeping suspicion raised its head and roared.

Castiel was still sound asleep in Dean's bed, soft around the edges and nothing about him betraying how possessive and overwhelming he could be between the sheets. Which actually only added to the awful feeling building up in Dean's chest and pooling in his gut.

He really couldn't help but think that without the whole baby situation Castiel would never look at him with so much desire.

It could be a kink or a just a strong need to mark his presence, didn't matter much which exactly, but this being not completely about Dean as his own person was making him sick. Not that he really wished for Castiel to be into him or even go as far as be infatuated with Dean, he **absolutely** didn't care about all that lovey-dovey bullshit because it would be suspiciously close to having a naive, childish dream of prince charming and a happily ever after, which Dean was too experienced to believe in, of course. Just the fact that he felt like some sort of vessel for Castiel's desires for a family and warm body to share the bed with, conveniently packed into one willing form, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He shouldn't have allowed Castiel to get so involved in this situation. He shouldn't have let him into his life and into his bed because, no matter how sappy that sounded, he wanted to be genuinely cared for by someone just because he was himself, not because he was carrying a tiny human in his insides. It probably was stupid, the sex was amazing and all he thought he always wished for seemed to be within his reach, except that now that he got there, his perspective changed and even though it should have been enough, it really wasn't.

Dean felt like his whole body weighted a ton and his heart was the heaviest part of it. The truth was, were it not for the pregnancy, Castiel and him would never start getting along even remotely as well. It was only for the sake of the baby that Castiel found the patience to ignore Dean being a jerk and start catering more to Dean's needs, giving up on being a pain in the ass on regular. If he wasn't so stubbornly unaffected, Dean would never give up on trying to annoy him back to their animosity but because Cas was so set on being friends, Dean got frustrated and finally they ended up living in peace just because it was easier. He felt so stupid because this should have been so obvious to him. Castiel played him into letting him into his life because he wanted to be the baby's father and if the sex came as a bonus, then only better for him.

This was not at all how Dean imagined this to go down, when he first found himself on Castiel's doorstep. He quickly got dressed, trying not to look at Castiel as a lump formed in his throat every time he risked a glance. He set the alarm on Castiel's phone for five minutes and then left, running as if he could escape his own head. God, these hormones were making it that much harder to avoid feeling emotions.

***

Throughout his whole day of work, Dean was trying to find a solution, a way for himself to stop his thoughts from coming back to this topic, reset and piece his mind back together in the order it used to be in. He realised the most reasonable plan would involve putting Castiel back into his own bed and building a couple of walls between them for good measure.

He made a point of ignoring a text message asking hims when he would be back and what he would like to have for dinner. 

At noon he called Charlie.  
"Can I stay overnight today?" he asked as she answered with a curious hello; he hadn't been keeping her updated as much as she would like to be. "I promise I'll explain, when I get there, just say I can have the guest room."  
"Fine." she said. "But you owe me the whole story, Winchester."  
He figured out that much.

 _Don't wait for me, I have something important to do, be back very late_. he texted Cas and didn't look at his phone again.

***

Crushing at Charlie's place was both a blessing and a course. Obviously she was going to tell Sam tomorrow because that's how it worked and Sam would start calling him and being annoying but for now Dean was just glad to not have to face Castiel. He gave Charlie the briefest recap he could sell her, minus the spicy details that weren't relevant anyway.

 "So basically you think he is a milf/dilf enthusiast and that's the only reason he is dealing with you?" Charlie raised her brows.  
"Everything points to that." Dean shrugged.  
"And you are absolutely sure he is protective of you just because of the baby?" her brows raised even higher.  
"Yes, he wouldn't give a shit about me, were I not pregnant with his baby." Dean was starting to feel exhausted.  
"Well then, there's just one way to find out whether that's true or not." Charlie moved to pour them a cup of tea each.  
"And that is?" Dean took the cup from her gratefully; the tea smelled flowery and nice.  
"Just ask him." Charlie took a sip and put her cup down, the porcelain clinking loud in the space between them. "Which, without looking at your face, I know you would never even consider actually doing."

Dean took a big gulp of his tea, instantly regretting it as it burned his throat.  
"It leaves you with a more drastic option then." Charlie sighed and adjusted her red hair.  
"Which involves?" Dean readied himself.  
"Telling him you lost the baby." Charlie didn't even blink as Dean started choking.

He fought to catch his breath for a good moment as she sat there silently.  
"That would be insanely cruel!" he could feel the heat in his cheeks. "You cannot just lie about that kind of stuff!"  
"Well if you want to be sure he's not here just for the baby and you won't ask him directly, then that seems like a valid alternative to get an answer once and for all." Charlie shrugged.

Dean didn't have anything to say to that. However, he had a lot to think about.

***

He was brutally awoken by his phone ringing next to ear. Castiel's name screamed at him from the screen. He debated declining it but then he remembered he decided on carrying out his plan as he lied awake many hours into the night; that moment was as good as any other to get on with it.

"Yes." he answered, trying to shake off the sleepiness mixed with anxiety.  
"Oh thank God, Dean!" Castiel sounded distressed and Dean suddenly hated himself a hundred times more, he couldn't go back now though. "Are you alright? Where are you?"  
"I... I'm at my friend's place." Dean paused and swallowed hard. "I don't really think I'm fine though. I mean, he doctor said so but... Cas" his voice cracked and God, it sounded so real because his heart was breaking at the thought that he had to be this cruel. "I lost the baby."  
A heavy silence fell on the other end of the line.

The baby kicked Dean particularly hard in that moment as if it really wasn't happy with him being such an ugly liar.  
_Shh, little one._ he thought. _I'm doing this for the sake of  the both of us._  
"Where are you?" Cas asked in a scarily quiet voice. "I'm coming for you."  
"You really don't have to." Dean said, feeling faint.  
He probably really shouldn't have done that. It was too late to undo it though.

***

Charlie's eyes opened wide in terror as she stared Dean down.  
"You actually have done that." she blinked rapidly. "Jesus, I wanted to force you to talk to another human being openly for once! Not fucking traumatize them for life!" she clasped a hand on her mouth but the awful truth had already been said.  
Dean went completely pale. Obviously he should have known what she was trying to really tell him the day before.  
"Goddammit, Dean, now I have to help you fix this, don't I?" she groaned probably mad at herself, which only added another point to the list of reasons Dean had to hate himself.  
He didn't know what to say to that so he was almost thankful when they heard a car arrive and stop before Charlie's house. She also kept quiet and went to open the door.

"Where is he?" asked Cas instead of saying hello.  
He ran past Charlie straight into the living room where Dean was resting on the couch.  
"Dean, Dean!" his voice cracked as he fell to his knees by Dean's side and Dean had never in his life felt more like the worst scum of the world. "I'm so sorry, I'm so terribly sorry." Cas was grabbing onto him, tears in his eyes and Dean wished a horrible death onto himself for doing this to Cas.  
"It's fine." he said, hearing himself sound completely emotionless.

He couldn't bear looking at Cas anymore so he cradled his head close to his chest, hoping to God his heartbeat could help the man calm down. He threaded his fingers through Castiel's soft hair and felt even more like a piece of turd. Talk about things going too far. Castiel trembled in his arms and Dean decided any death would be too good for him.

"Can I do anything for you?" Cas whispered. "I know I can't even imagine what you are feeling but is there anything you may need me for?" he pulled away slightly to look into Dean's eyes and Dean had to look away. "Please, don't cut me off, Dean." he reached out to touch Dean's cheek and urge him to meet his gaze. "I know we started off on the wrong foot but I really felt like now we grew closer, that we have something very special and important going on. Although I have never felt anything quite like it with anyone else before you, I'm sure I'm not imagining it."

Dean felt bile rise in his throat. This was so not right and he clearly did not deserve Cas. He did not deserve the way these blues eyes searched his, full of worry and absolutely honest. It was clear Castiel rushed here for Dean and Dean only. He knew that now, he got his answer, Castiel genuinely cared for him, Castiel was fond of him, Castiel was probably-maybe-perhaps-almost certainly starting to fall for him. He knew all of that now but was it actually worth it?

"I'm sorry." he whispered and cupped Cas's face to press a chaste kiss to his lips; if what they had was about to end then and there and Dean was he villian anyway, he would get at least this tiny memory for himself.  Cas' lips were soft and pliant and not at all demanding, just letting Dean kiss as Castiel's eyes fluttered close.

Dean leaned back, wishing he could keep kissing Cas like that but clearly, he didn't deserve even the couple of seconds he allowed himself already.

"I lied." he breathed out. "The baby is fine." he took Cas' hand to press it against his belly where the baby was clearly kicking around to show him who's the boss.  
Castiel blinked in confusion, his face clearly showing he wasn't understanding the words that had been said to him.  
"I lied to you because I thought you don't care about me at all. I thought you only cared about the baby I happen to carry inside of me at the moment." Dean felt like his guts were tied into a know, especially because Castiel was not reacting to the news at all so far. "I was wrong, I see it now. And I see that I really don't deserve you. I don't deserve the baby either, nor the happiness we all could have had." he swallowed hard. "When the baby is born, I can give up all my parental rights so the baby will be fully and only yours, if you would like me to do that. I can understand not wanting to let a person as cruel and as self-centered as me to ever be close to your baby." he felt his heart sink as he said it.

Were their roles reversed he couldn't tell if he'd be able to just forgive something like that. It was a move even shittier than hiring a faithfulness tester to flirt with your spouse. Castiel was ready to put Dean's needs before his own, coming here to comfort him even though his own loss would be just as big as Dean's and if that didn't prove he cared then nothing would.

But Dean had now lost it all.

Castiel's eyes were unreadable right now but Dean knew him well enough to see the hurt underneath the surface and he felt truly evil to the core. How could he have doubted that Cas would be a better man than him?

"I'll go now." he said, tearing his eyes away from those baby blues. "I'll call you so you can... tell me what you decided."  
And he left Castiel there, still kneeling by Charlie's couch. He had never felt more undeserving to live. His steps were heavy and he couldn't look at Charlie as he passed her in the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the last chapter in a day or two not to keep you waiting for long so stay tuned.


	9. Chapter 9

Renting a shitty flat when you had a perfectly fit house at hand was fucking insanity but there was now way Dean could live door to door with Castiel and look his own guilt in the face every day. The house was still partly Sam's so he couldn't just sell it and be done with it, especially because he didn't really want to face Sam either and explain himself. He was sure Charlie already told him the entire story and Sam would already be here, if he hadn't been stuck at Stanford, halfway into the exam season. He was glad he could be sure Sam wouldn't tell dad about anything before he himself had time to get the whole story out of Dean.

Expecting many calls instead of a visit then, Dean changed his phone number and went to work as little as he could, feeling only slightly bad for not being a model worker. He basically co-owned the place with Bobby so he could focus more on the paperwork rather than be physically present in the garage. Bobby didn't ask questions and was actually glad Dean for once would take care of that part of the work they both hated. Not spending time with cars only added to Dean's misery but he really couldn't afford hanging out any place he could be easily found in.

He simply feared Castiel would come there and tell him what he already knew - that he was the shittiest person on the entire planet and he didn't deserve to ever find love. However, Dean still had to make the dreaded call he promised one day. His time of delivery was creeping closer and it wasn't the talk he would want to have while physically giving birth.

The eight month was harrowing to say the least. He grew really big, his emotions were all over the place and he was so extremely lonely that he even had to admit to himself that he genuinely missed Cas. He missed his blue eyes, the moments of comfortable silence they shared sometimes, his smile and his bright sight so focused on Dean when they talked, drunk coffee or fucked.

Now he couldn't have any of that back and he couldn't even claim that the universe treated him unfairly. He deserved all of what he got, he deserved the loneliness, the shitty creaking bed and the paint peeling off the walls.

Karma wasn't actually a bitch, she was only fair.

***

A week into his ninth month, Dean was catching himself staring at his phone. He was trapped in this unfriendly shoebox apartment on his own but he refused to go out and talk to anyone as if punishing himself could make him feel any better. It certainly did create at least a sense of shitty stability that he knew he would have to break because of the birth, duh, but he needed to have at least a tiny bit of control over his own life while he still could. A bit that crumbled the moment his doorbell rang.

Dean froze in panic at the sound. No one was supposed to know where he was staying and yet somebody had found him, likely coming to tear him a new one for being overall a pain in the ass one way or another. He could list at least ten people who would want to give him a piece of their mind.

He hoped that maybe they would go away if he just ignored the bell and pretended nobody was home. Half an hour later he realised it wasn't happening. Whoever this was, they rung stubbornly every minute or so. The visitor was clearly not giving up until they drove Dean up the wall and of course they fucking succeeded, Dean had very little noise tolerance these days.

With a heavy heart he opened the door.

Surely enough, of all the people that could have come to murder him, it was Castiel. And not just the regular Castiel you'd expect, this was Castiel that went through hell and back, scruffy, messy, somewhat rougher around the edges and more determined than Dean had ever seen him. Dean might as well have already dug his own grave. It wasn't helping that his first thought was that he would very much like to kiss Cas' frown away.

"Dean." was all Castiel said, his voice gravely.

Dean was ready to meet his fate whatever it would be. He was ready for Castiel to punch him or choke him to death. He'd honestly take that with a relief, feeling like maybe it was enough to make up for his sins. He wanted to say something, perhaps his last words, he really did but he couldn't as Cas' eyes pierced right through him.

The door slammed shut, really loud in the silence that fell between them and then he was being forcefully pushed against the wall.  
'I've had it coming.' he thought, closing his eyes and saying a prayer as he expected a punch.

It never came.

Instead, a pair of hands cupped his face and then Castiel was kissing him, desperately and maybe with an edge of anger but still with a mindblowing softness. Dean's head was spinning as he opened his mouth to let Castiel lick into it, pull at his lower lip, press his mark there like a truly starved man.

Dean couldn't catch his breath even when Cas pulled away. He opened his eyes to meet Castiel's gaze. His eyes were bright, sadness and happiness fighting for the better, darkness dispersing to slowly disappear as if it had never been there in the first place.

"God, I missed you." Cas said and Dean really had no reply to that. "I had to bribe Bobby into giving me this adress. I had to promise no to hurt you but I never would. You're a fool, Dean Winchester, but I could never hurt you and I don't think I could live without you either." he slowly caressed Dean's cheek, searching his eyes. "If it means dealing with whatever pranks you may want to inflict on me, so be it. If it means proving to you every day that I want this more than anything, so be it. I can handle anything except for staying away from you any minute longer."  
"I'm sorry." Dean finally found his voice. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I doubt I deserve forgivness. I surely don't deserve you." he really tried to will the tears away from his eyes.  
"It's not about deserving anything, Dean." Castiel seemed intent. "It's about being in love despite all of that. And I'm sorry I've ever made you doubt my intentions. I should have made it clear that all I ever wanted was to be closer to you. Even when I fought you, it was a way to stay in touch, be around as much as possible. Finally having a reason to start our relationship anew was an occasion I couldn't miss."  
"I... see it now." Dean really had a hard time remembering how to breathe.

Because honestly, if he thought about it, and he had a lot of time to think recently, it was pretty clear that Castiel used to be his nemesis because Dean made him into one. He used to have a couple of awful neighbours before but he had never thought to fight them so actively. Even before he realised it, he had been seeking reasons to interact with Castiel. Perhaps Crowley was the first person to see the true motif behind his actions. Behind both of their attitudes. After all, if Castiel truly hated Dean, he would ignore him and avoid him until he got tired of trying to get the attention from him.

"Better now than never." Cas smiled, so genuinely that Dean could no longer hold himself together and bursted into tears, damn those hormones.  
He let Cas hold him and rock him in his arms, he let his warmth calm him down. He let the relief wash over him. He didn't understand how he earned himself such a favour but somebody upstairs was really looking out for his stupid ass.

"I thought I had lost you." he choked out.  
"Never." said Cas with such a conviction that Dean shivered to the core.

He let Cas kiss his face, kiss the tears off his skin, kiss his lips and then kiss his hands. He let Cas take him home for the first time in so long he couldn't believe the place remained unchanged. Except that now the paint and the garage door on Cas' half matched Dean's.

"You've really done that? For me?" Dean couldn't help the awe ringing in his voice.  
"I'm committed. Really, I put it all on one card." Castiel shrugged a little awkwardly and his cheeks were tinted rosy now.

As he took a step closer to the house, it finally hit Dean that his life was about to turn upside down. Apparently someone was insane enough to fall in love with him. And boy, was he truly in love too.

Castiel moved to hug him from behind, entwining their hands on Dean's prominent belly.  
"You know it's not just for the sake of the little one." he whispered into his ear. "It's for the sake of the future we all will have."  
"For the sake of us." Dean repeated, letting his disbelief turn into hopefulness.  
"Yes." Castiel's breath was warm against his skin. "Us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks, I hope you enjoyed this little story! It had some bad luck ever since I first thought about it about a year or two ago but after such a long time it's finally out there and I couldn't be more satisfied with how it turned out. It's also my most subscribed work ever with 120 of you deciding to keep track of it, thank you for showing me and my writing so much love!


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